Glue + Genitals = Bad Idea

I was browsing Vice’s Motherboard blog and saw the story, Please Don’t Glue Your Labia Shut. What’s this? I ask, gluing your labia together? Why for fuck’s sake would anyone do this? What could possibly be the benefit to pasting the old cooter together? Intrigued and mortified at the same time, and clenching my legs together protectively, I clicked on the link.


According to Vice:

Wichita-based chiropractor Daniel Dopps’ created Mensez, a product named for a pun on “menses” but definitely also a good pun for “men says.” It’s a combination of amino acids and natural oils in a lipstick applicator, according to his product website. He claims that it seals one’s labia minora shut, trapping all of that icky lady business inside, and dissolves when it comes in contact with urine.

Who the hell would want all of that sloshing around inside all day? Actually I would be afraid of undoing the glue. Wouldn’t it hurt? Supposedly your urine would make the glue dissolve. But isn’t the urethral opening in front of the labia? How would the urine get inside where the labial lips are glued together? So many questions and I see Kavin Senapathy over at Forbes has many of the same questions.

This has got to be a joke right? Actually Daniel Dopps patented his “invention”.

Yeah, this sounds like a joke, but it’s real enough for Dopps to have filed a patent for his miracle product in January. “Our products are still in development and will be available some time in 2017,” Mensez Technologies’ website states. “Check with your favorite retailer and ask them watch for and stock Mensez.” We’ve reached out to Dopps to confirm these plans and will update if he responds.

And the name “Mensez”, sounds rather like Men says. And on his now defunct Facebook page, he is extremely condescending to women, but at the same time seems incredibly ignorant how lady parts work.

He easily corroborated this charge in a response to one visitor’s comment on the Mensez Facebook page, in which he explained that “[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads.” Dopps added over the phone that “a lot of the LGBT community, lesbians in particular, are furious at me because I’m a white straight man.”

Dr Jen Gunter, OB/GYN, has a blog dealing with women’s issues has a great takedown:

So no, a Kansas chiropractor has likely not invented Post-it Notes glue for the labia. However, if it is as amazing as he claims I would love to see a video or him using it on his own lips. How he gets the urine up there is, of course, his business.

So I read the linked articles, and me and my vajayjay now feel reassured that this substance (most likely imaginary) will never make it to market. Dopps is now claiming that his Facebook page has been hacked and that is why it has been shutdown. Like that is the real reason. It probably has to do with the wide mockery about his product from women.